Race to Nothing

Amazing how we all try to out-do each other. The smartest, healthiest, bravest... the dirtiest, worst, ugliest... from postive to negative, highest to lowest...

If there are people who know the futility of outdoing each other and refuse to join the race to nothing, one of them would be the Iraya in Puerto Galera. Known to Flipino locals and dayuhan (foreign visitors) as the Mangyans (from the word, Mangyan or Mangmang yan, literal translation to English is he/she is ignorant), the Irayas possess only themselves and their freedom.

How I envy their freedom. The sight of them passing by, walking in a line, together, disposses me of what I hold or boast of as valuable--my education, my job, my accomplishments and other stuff. It brings me to question what full human development is--if it is the pressure to become the best that I can be, I would rather call it a progressive imprisonment of a person born free-- without clothes to label if a boy or a girl, a crib and house to determine if rich or poor, branded baby food that certifies a well-nourished weaning years, an education that structures my brain how to think, and an office job that is an improved version of slavery of centuries ago. And so on.

To be healthy and prolong life--an early death because of illness traced to insufficient faith? Not enough effort in scouring funds for industrial medicines... bullshit. But a good take-off point to question rights as a development paradigm.

dreaming running

frequent dreams lately>>

referring to dream book by Nerys Dee...

running : dream interpretation is face the truth, do not run

fear and accidents: anxiety over what lies ahead

helicopter chase: dream interpretation of helicopter is practical ideals and ambitions

helicopter has giant spotlight pointed at the running self: means something to do with being seen or looked upon by many people

motorcyle chase: dream interpretation of motorcyle is life is speeding up to destiny

stop, face the truth, face ambitions, go with destiny, overcome anxiety as i speed up towards the lights. eliminate fear.

who is the young woman

i will allow myself some self-accolade..

i have been feeling young these days. .. being with a group of women of early to late twenties, i realize how young i still am in attitude and relationship towards life and older feminists, respectively. on our way home from a book launch of an international women's group in a really really posh hotel in the heart of the Metro (Manila), we joked about who qualifies as a young woman, especially because i am nearing forties yet i still identify with younger women. (perhaps a secret to my being young-looking, nyahy!)

who qualifies as a young (feminist) woman?

we came up a list.

for sure, if you approach a senior feminist, stand less than a foot from her and she does not notice you right away as she is busy instructing a young woman like you, you qualify for a young woman/feminist. if you were older, that senior will instantly receive you gladly!

if you were tasked to research for an ENTIRE book (and of course give all your heart to it, skipping night outs and morning jogs with friends) and your boss gets authorship credits by presenting it in a meeting, and you get a footnote credit as assistant, you are a young woman/feminist.

if you speak words of dissent and critical attitude towards current dominant feminist thought and you are dismissed as simply CUTE, or undergoing some trouble in life or a problematic person, you are...

if you are perennially asked to document a meeting, call the waiter or driver, make a phone call, fix and operate the lcd projector or laptop and get blamed if things do not work or expected people did not come, you are...

if you do not have a problem being called a "girl" but "they" see that there is a BIG problem with being called a girl, you are...

the list goes on and goes on and on and on. for so many years, young feminists have been trying to bridge the gap with older feminists. young feminist groups have been established, coming and going.. . young feminists who usually make it to top org posts make it to that level primarily because they thinkold! this is not just me opinionating but lots and lots of young women. lots. lots.. lots.. lots....lost

pinikpikan to KALAYO.. the name game

pinikpikan is now KALAYO. kalayo is hiligaynon word for "fire." we take on a creative fire attitude. but for now, we use pinikpikan-KALAYO, or KALAYO (formerly Pinikpikan).

what's in a name anyway. when we are born we are given name. a name that signifies ownership by someone else. an expected tax payer. a will-be insatiable consumer. a name called to derive obedience, exact submission. a name that marks, situates, locates, identifies... but music is beyond these. what is in a name anyway but a way to own, mark and control.

peace.

happy new year.

ode to my cat T

my cat, famous in the eyes of my mother because she used to catch snakes up to 4 feet long. she died weeks ago, of an illness we were not able to determine, because she refused to be cuddled since her weird coughs began.

she was also talented in catching mice, and ate the clean-smelling ones. she always gave birth to healthy kittens. she was not into the habit of stealing food on the kitchen table. we did not have problems with claws, she was always gentle. she always cleaned herself.

i love my cat. now in cat heaven. i miss her so much.

wowoweeee

after years of hating this game, i found myself having fun yesterday as i watched lolas and lolos sing and dance in the ritualistic special number before contestants play the Q and A game with the host.

what makes this show a hit is not willie or the bikini girls who all make being beautiful and naive-looking desirable. it is the contestants whose transparent humanness shines through the boob tube to reach people who are all equally neck-deep in everyday concerns in life, especially the poor (katulad ko wala datung).

for every special number, the contestants get P5000. i wish the show could give much more. distribute more of its advertising collections to contestants who transform life's big problems into little, tolerable and learning experiences that everyone on this earth has to go through.

end dead ends

ecclesiastical saying... King Solomon, a person who lived almost everything to find wisdom, concluded that everything is futile, a chasing after the wind.

have chased after some things only to find out later you are being chased?

have searched for some things only to find out they never existed?

have cried about a lot of things only to find out later that you should have laughed instead?

have discovered things that found you?

have hidden things that many people wanted to flaunt but do not have?

have passed through many years of life without knowing when, where, why, how...?

seen many years ahead but face a dead end?

a musician is praised for what is created, but despised for what others cannot create.

an artist is needed, but discarded for the impossibility to be owned.

work all life, and bring nothing to the next.

life is not always futile, but a dead end without end. so cross over the wall before the soulflower of life withers.